If you walk into a digital room of 20 Americans, you’ll find a lot of people who hate one another.
If you walk into a real room of 20 Americans, you’ll find a lot of people who get along and take care of one another as friends, family, and neighbors.
This distinction is critical as America reaches its 250th birthday. It may be the only thing that sets the stage for us to thrive through the close of our third century.
Messaging America’s future isn’t easy. Every year, news articles, op-eds, and social media posts provide guidance on getting through the holidays without killing relatives who disagree with our politics. Phrases like “civil war,” “fascism,” “dictator,” and “communist” fill our digital discussions every day. And algorithms guide us toward content that trains our brains that the only right thing is the idea we already hold – and anyone else ranges from an idiot to a moral monster.
We’ve been here before. Lest we forget, 600,000 Americans died in a civil war. Today’s members of Congress yell at one another in speeches and on social media? Well, in 1856, it was Rep. Preston Brooks who caned Sen. Charles Sumner to within an inch of his life in the Senate chamber. Aaron Burr killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel when Burr was the sitting vice president (!), and Hamilton had been the first Secretary of the Treasury.
Just 60 years ago, social change disrupted our entire culture. The Vietnam War, women’s role in society, and racial rights resulted in marches, murders, and upheaval for more than a decade. There were calls for bank executives to commit hara-kiri after the 2007 financial crash.
But here’s what happens when you remove the digital bias: People look at your real face, not a digital fake. You see their emotions. Instead of byte-sized glimpses, you get the bigger picture into their soul and character.
In 2020, days before the most controversial election in modern American history, I co-authored an op-ed with a liberal atheist friend. We joked about lifestyle differences that he thought were “really weird” and addressed moral issues where we disagreed. Most importantly, we wrote that elections and humanity are messy – but they don’t have to be a mess.
Less than a year later, my eldest daughter almost died from a Shiga toxin-producing E. coli. If you’ve never watched an almost-three-year-old scream, “Don’t touch me” and “I don’t want to” at the doctors while a catheter was placed and 13 blood draws were completed, count yourself lucky.
But as I’ve written previously, we didn’t have to wonder if anyone’s politics would stop them from saving her life. Early in her 10-day hospital stay, one of the Child Life Services team members stopped in to see our daughter. He was the only black person on his team, and his mention of that fact led to a 45-minute conversation about racism in America.
After much respectful discussion, he walked over to our daughter and painted her toenails. The next day, he came back, and we chatted some more about race and America. By the time he left the room, I’d gotten more insight and context by talking to a real human than I was ever going to receive in online discourse.
A final example: Last winter, a neighbor and I talked at length about America’s political moment. We had moments of agreement and disagreement, though I don’t remember the specifics. What I do remember is him saying, as we left, “Let’s make sure the kids get together again soon.” Which we did, because his yard has an amazing sledding hill.
This is the message that each of us needs to take to heart. It’s only through relationships with real people, not the false fronts and AI fakes we see online, that America will thrive into its next century.
Dustin Siggins is founder of Proven Media Solutions, and a business and media writer whose work has been published by USA TODAY, The Washington Post, and Business Insider.
